Why this, why now?

My mother-in-law is dying.  Lung cancer.  She feels sick, and won't eat.  It's been this way, off and on, all year. Chemo and radiation, and the subsequent pneumonia, almost killed her. She's lost almost 80 pounds.  My wife, an only child, lost her dad 32 years ago... the week before we were married.  She's hurting right now, struggling to understand what it means to be a good daughter.  I had a similar struggle as my mom was dying a decade ago.  Rough stuff.

My dad isn't too healthy either, actually.  His esophageal cancer seems to be stable, not growing.  Dad's doing heavy anti-oxidant therapy, no chemo or radiation (yet).  He's able to live by himself unemcumbered, as if he was fine.  I'm not worried about him.  I'm worried about my wife.

The t-bird is a diversion from this pain, something "to take my mind off the problem".  But it's more than that.  It's a reminder of God's grace to me.  A reminder that the pain of my past can be redeemed, that I have something very good to look forward to.  And, that it may take a while to get there in fullness.

I'm learning to accept and treasure the little graces I receive every day.  A call from my son, reconciling with a friend, dinner with my wife.  I don't want to take anything for granted.

The block and heads are at the machine shop, being refurbished the way I want them.  I just received the '57 manifold & carb I bought off eBay.  The transmission is being restored to it's full capability.  I, for the time being, have the resources to make this happen.   I can spend time scraping, scaling, sanding and painting the undercarriage.  When I get the block and heads back, I'll have the joy of deburring the castings, priming and painting them.  Then comes the joy of reassembly.  Little steps toward a little future glory. 

Even though I sometimes get frustrated, obsessed, and overwhelmed with this t-bird project, I find comfort in it.  The car was neglected for 40 years.  I was neglected too.  Things are happening to the car to change it, restore it, to redeem it from it's current decrepit state.

My spirit feels decrepit.  I need restoration and redemption.  Along that path, with a positive outlook, I may, in some way, be a blessing to those I love, to contribute to their own restoration.  May God make it so.