Wednesday, October 26, 2011

She's gone. She's really gone.

 My mother in law died two weeks ago... 11 October, at 7:25 PM.  This was expected.  Hospice had established a "last watch".  We all knew that she was going to leave us.  She hadn't been awake for days, and her body had withered away to practically nothing.  My wife and I were there, at her bedside, along with a few very close friends.  We sang and prayed over her. and we experienced her departure from this planet.

I continue to wrestle with my own feelings about this.  How much do I really miss her?  Am I really sad?  Should I be sad?  Since she lived with us for 12 years, I see remnants of her presence all around me.  Her furniture, her toiletries, her linens.  Is she really gone?  Will I see her again when I die? 

Last Friday, I had the t-bird moved to the body shop.  It's not in my garage any more.  I see remnants of it's presence... engine parts, trim parts, engine block on a stand.  I anticipate seeing it again, but I don't know exactly when.  I also don't know what condition it will be in when I do see it again, or how much poorer I'll be.  Body guy hasn't given me an estimate yet, and it's not clear that he will be able to paint the car before he closes shop at the end of the year.  

More uncertainty... I really don't need this right now.   I need something I can depend on.

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