Continuity and Tribute

My past has caught up with me today.  I am acutely aware of an insecurity that I have been carrying most of my life.  I need to lead a bunch of people in song.  I really don't consider myself a singer, I really dislike the sound of my own voice.  Yet, here it is.  I find myself in a place where I need to do this.  I remember being self-conscious and afraid when I was little; eventually I learned to escape from or medicate that feeling, but now I need to confront it.

I am confident that God can redeem my insecurity.  While I may never be a 'singer', I can be confident that God will bless my vulnerability and willingness to serve.  I believe that the image and ideas that I had about myself as a teenager can become something beautiful and unique.  Just like pitted chrome, my self-image will never be without blemish... it will always be uniquely me... but it can become attractive, and something I can get more comfortable with.

My Dad had a Triumph 2000 sedan when I first got the T-bird as a teenager.  He installed Lucas fender mirrors on it, just like the ones on his MG  (when he was much younger).   He was very vocal about how good these mirrors were, and of course I wanted a pair on my T-bird.  I even went so far as to drill holes in the fenders for these mirrors.  When I got the car back in 2011, I got another set of these fender mirrors, but then rationally decided that they would spoil the lines of the car if I installed them on the fenders.  I had the holes welded up.

The "standard" T-bird mirrors are available as inexpensive reproductions.  They mount on the doors and look pretty nondescript.

As I pointed out in a previous post, the rivet that holds the hemispherical stainless backside of the mirror head to the ball tends to work its way loose over time, and then the mirror starts to rattle.  Since the end of the rivet is inside the hemispherical stainless shell behind the mirror, it can't be  tightened without first removing the glass (and likely destroying the mirror.)  In time, the mirror rattles so much that it becomes useless on the freeway.  My previous attempts to fix the problem using JB Weld were a temporary fix (lasted about a year or so).  I was a little perturbed, and ended up purchasing an additional new set of these mirror heads.  The construction was identical, and they in turn became loose.  Ugh.  Then I remembered that I had a set of these reproduction Lucas fender mirrors on the shelf, and I began to wonder...  Half an hour with a Dremel, a hacksaw, and a file (my favorite tools) and I had a solution:

The Lucas mirror heads are much more rugged and actually easier to adjust than the "stock" mirrors, and even an expert will have trouble seeing the difference at a glance.   I feel pretty good that my original teenage desire actually found a use on this car.  I'm feeling a sense of continuity with my teenage self, a respect for the things I thought were important back then... like repositioning the fender emblems.

Another important emblem of continuity is the CTCI grille badge.  As I remember, Uncle  Packard got me this grille badge when I first got the car... I suspect he picked it up at one of the auto parts swap meets he frequented.

I kept this badge when I sold the car to Uncle Toronado (the fighter pilot).  I probably just forgot to give it to him, since it was lying around in my room.   For some reason, I kept this little emblem over the years.  I gave it a place of honor in my garage, bolted to some steel shelving.   Perhaps it was a symbol of hope, or perhaps it was just a pleasant reminder, but I couldn't bear to part with it.

It was still there bolted to the shelf, when the T-birt re-entered my life on May 6, 2011... 34 years later.

Yes, there is continuity in my life.  Even though the grille badge has been broken and super-glued back together,  I will continue to treasure it and display it with pride.