So Near, and Yet...

Driving to the paint shop over lunch today, I kept telling myself to contain my excitement and control my expectations.  Yes, Paint Guy said the car would be ready today... but what if it isn't.  Can I be OK with that? Would I be really disappointed?  Can I be graceful to him, even if the car isn't done, even if there is no new paint on it?

Paint Guy didn't finish the car.  There is a good coat of primer on the car, and he's working this weekend to get the car done.

Paint Guy says he'll be done by Monday, Tuesday tops.  No matter.  I want a good paint job more than I want it done quickly.  He's had the car more than 8 weeks already, so what's a few more days?  Surprisingly, I found myself at peace with the situation, and we had a short chat.  I offered to help him over the weekend if he needs it.  I then had a good discussion with his Dad, Body Guy, who asked about my Father.  We talked about aging, cancer, and mortality... but not in a morbid way.  Body Guy was a WWII POW, and all of his wartime companions are dead.  He talks about death as someone who has persevered.

I was hoping to take next week off work, and focus on assembling my freshly-painted car.  I don't mind waiting a little longer, actually.  It is very unlikely that I can get the car road-worthy in a week, anyway.  I estimate that two solid months of weekends may be required to get this car roadworthy.  Then some testing and tweeking  before going on any serious road trip.  My extended family is having their annual get-together just after Christmas... about 450 miles away.  It would be a nice trip to take in the t-bird, if it is ready. Maybe Dad would go with me? I expect my family will probably take a second car, and we can trade off who is riding in the t-bird.

Countdown to Paint...

I visited my little bird at the paint shop today.   The guys in the shop were busy sanding out the primer, and clear progress is being made...

That's a '56 t-bird in the background (with portholes).  It's been in Body Guy's shop for years.

Door frames are primed and sanded.  The doors are almost ready to paint.

 One of the fender skirts cleaned up nicely, but the other was sporting a thick layer of bondo covering a few holes and wrinkles.  Unlike my friend restoring his '57 T-bird, I am definitely not a sheet metal worker.  I'm perfectly happy letting Body Guy and his crew sort this out.

 I had a nice chat with Paint Guy at the shop.  He reassured me of his goal to have the car ready a week from today!   I know that the paint will go on quickly once the paint is done, so it is possible that Paint Guy will meets this goal.  I hope so.  I'm able to take some time off during Labor Day week, and it would be great if my Son and I get this car roadworthy!  I also checked with tire guy, and he should be able to install the wide whitewalls and get the car aligned that week.

This is very exciting!  I'm trying to bound my enthusiasm, not get too ahead of myself, and simply give it to God.

Reflections on Longing

As I wait for this car to be painted, I feel something unpleasant stirring inside me.  I'm trying to understand and articulate the way I feel.  I should be happy to have the car, grateful that God has blessed me... but I'm struggling with a very different kind of feeling.   It's  an old, familiar feeling, dredging up memories from my earliest childhood.  Somehow, it's mixed up with my feelings about my Dad and his terminal illness, and with grief over my Mom.

This morning, I am able to put a name to this feeling.  It is longing.

I long for the thunderbird to be painted, to have it back, to admire it, to drive it.  I long to take my Dad and my Uncle Toronado for a ride in it.  (Uncle Toronado is the WWII figher pilot that owned this car for 20 years.  I think he's 91 this year)  I long for solace, for affirmation, for peace in my soul.

My earliest memory of this longing was as a pre-schooler, waiting for weeks at a time for my Dad to come home.  Dad was a salesman for an electronics company, and had a very large territory.  He virtually lived on the road, and Mom was very lonely.  It didn't help that Grandma had recently died.  Mom relied on the neighbors a lot, and they often took care of me, but she was a young mother who obviously missed her husband!

As an adolescent, I had a crush on several different schoolgirls, none of which had any interest in me.  I was woefully inept in athletics.  Dad was still unavailable, and Mom wasn't coping very well..  The longing continued and deepened.  I longed to be wanted, to be valued.  The neglect I experienced at home made this longing deeper and more pronounced.  It became a dark knot in my soul.  The longing reached a point that I actively started looking for ways to avoid it, or to numb it.  I gradually found ways to escape, to self medicate.  But underneath the music, the drugs, and the porn, the longing was still there.

This Thunderbird played a role in that longing, too.  It was a symbol of escape, a promise of wholeness.  I longed for it to be fixed, I longed to drive it, I longed to go places in it, and for affirming comments from my friends.  For five years it was the focus of my longing, but with each failure and stolen part it gradually morphed into a symbol of my helplessness and inadequacy.  I eventually realized the vanity of this longing and became ready to let it go.  My escape from my childhood was nearly complete.  I left home and closed the door on my longing.

From then until now, I have not experienced longing to the same degree.  Sure, I longed for a productive career.   With my wife, I longed for a child... then a second child.  I longed for my Mother to get better.  I longed for my boys to have a relationship with God, and for success in school and in boy scouts.  I longed for my Mother-in-law to give her daughter her blessing before she died.  Some of those were painful longings.  But I remember worse... I remember the T-bird.  I remember how that felt.

Now, the car is back, and I still remember.  I remember the dark knot.  That memory seems to amplify my newer longings.  I long for my Dad to bless me before he dies.  I long for a deeper, more meaningful affirmation from him and from God.  I long for success and happiness for my boys.  Each new longing reflects how I have longed before, and back to my adolescent failure, pain, and grief.

Now, I must learn to wait in the middle of the longing.  I must learn to wait, and not try to escape.  I must choose to persevere, believing that something better is ahead.  I must believe the evidence of my own eyes, that I am not the man I was.  I can see that the T-bird is changing.  I can remember the engine starting, and that recent glorious trip around Grandma's driveway.  I can remember the joy of  working on the car alongside my son.

No, this longing is not the same.  This longing is finite, and healing is on the way.  That is the choice I make.  That is what I want to remember.

More Waiting

Still no new paint on the car.  Paint guy found some surface rust under the weather stripping on the bottom of the passenger side door, and wants to sandblast it.

The doors were originally painted on the car, and the paint wasn't very thick.  Just a little moisture, and there was surface rust.  Luckily, the bottom of the door is very sound and didn't rust all the way through.  Paint guy is intent on doing this right.  I know that if I follow his advise, the car will turn out great.  I need to be patient.  I trust him.  I was hoping to get the car back before Labor Day, and take a week off to get it roadworthy.  That may not happen, and I need to be OK with that.

I'm worried about Dad.  He's still loosing weight.  Giving him a ride in this car shouldn't be the main reason I want to finish it, but it's certainly in the top 10!

On a lighter note, the glove box and ash tray came out ok, and match the seat & armrest color perfectly.

For fun, I polished the stainless pieces that surround the grille, and put them together for a picture.

The chrome on the grill is weak in a few places.  For $300 I could have it re-chromed, or replace it with a reproduction stainless grille.  This CTCI badge covers up one of the weak spots... I'll cover up the area above it with silver paint.

The other weak area is just right of center.  Maybe a 50-year Thunderbird badge would look good there?

 My family and I had a great time at Cruise Night yesterday.  The local T-bird club was out in force, and we enjoyed the car culture.  I'm sure this car will be worth the wait!

More Interior Prep

Today I assembled the door panels, including the aluminum trim I had previously buffed out.  Here's how they turned out.

I won't know how they fit until I get the car back, but I think they look pretty good!   I've found that the white vinyl shows dirt extremely easily, so I suspect I'll need to keep a bottle of vinyl cleaner in the car.

I only had a few issues putting these panels together.  I tried to reuse the old chrome backing plate for the window switches on the driver's side, and I broke the metal tabs off.  For this picture, I just pushed the switch into place, but I need to buy a new backing plate and install it correctly.  The aluminum "swoops" at the back of the trim plates above the arm rests were a pain.  They had little aluminum nails meant to hold the trim to the door panel.  The right side still had the nails, so I drilled the panel and was able to push the nails through and bend them over to hold the trim on.  The left side nails had been cut off, so I had to drill out what was left of the nails, then fish some stainless wire through the holes.  I used the wire to hold the trim to the door panel.

In the early T-bird interior, the arm rests, aluminum trim, and garnish rails on the doors blend smoothly and curve into the dash board.  This creates a remarkable surround effect when sitting in the car.  Here is an example that I have shown before.  Notice the subtle curve of the dash as it meets the door, and how the arm rest and door aluminum curve to meet the dash.

Note that the ash tray (beneath the radio and above the shifter) and the glove box both participate in this effect.  They, and the entire lower dash, must be the same color as the arm rests.  That has been one of my challenges when Upholstery Guy made the seats in a non-stock color!  Luckily, my local automotive paint store has a very good color matching lab, and I was able to get a pint of acrylic enamel that should do the job.

Today I painted the ash tray with this paint, over coating the black hammer tone texture that I applied yesterday.  Here it is on the door panel, so you can see how it looks compared to the arm rest.  I think the texture, color, and sheen match the arm rest pretty darn well!

Encouraged, I decided to tackle the glove box lid.  Here's what I had to start with

The decals on the back of the glove box are original, and I don't want to paint over them.  I will mask off the back, and only paint the front.

It was easy enough to get apart, but I did have to bend the aluminum a little.

I masked off the back and top of the glove box door, lightly sanded it with 400 grit, wiped it down with lacquer thinner, then used the same black hammer-tone rattle can paint I had used on the ash tray.  I waited until it was dry to the touch, then mixed up a small amount of the dash paint and sprayed a couple of coats.  It ended up having a little more texture than the ash tray, but I think it will look good.  This is probably what the rest of the lower dash will end up looking like.

While I had the aluminum trim off, I spent some quality time with it on the buffing wheel.  Some of the scratches won't come out, but it looks much better than it did.

I also applied some bronze wool to the glovebox emblem, and freshened the red paint.

OK, so this isn't as dramatic as starting the engine or taking my first drive.  Still, I feel good.  I'm feeling better about having to wait for Paint Guy to finish.

Yeah, yeah, I need patience... how long is THAT going to take?

The car has been at the painter for 6 weeks.  Still no new paint on the car!  I do see changes, however.  I know that prep takes longer than paint, and that good prep makes the paint job.  I also trust Paint Guy.  Still, waiting is hard for me.  I find myself getting upset, anxious, and doubting my decisions.  Why can't I just relax about this, and enjoy the fact that I don't have to focus every weekend hour on the car?

The doors are off, and the door frames are being prepped.  Paint guy also had an issue getting the car to start, so he ended up replacing the original 6V starter with a used 12V unit.  Not what I expected, but I appreciate it!  I have a spare 12V starter in the garage, so maybe I can work a trade.

 Paint guy reaffirmed his plan to finish the paint before Labor Day.  That would be a convenient time for me to take a few days vacation, and get the car ready for the road.   I'm really hoping this will happen.

I picked up the seat from Upholstery Guy this week.  He has done remarkable work, and the seat looks gorgeous!  The center sections are leather, and the sides are vinyl.  He even put in pneumatic lumbar supports, with puff-balls for each side to set the amount of support!  Here are the major interior parts laid out on my driveway.  My hope is to start building up the door panels this weekend.

The seat bottom matches well with the carpet, seat belts, and door panels.

The door panel pieces are just stacked in place.  I need to assemble them.

That light turquoise thing on the upper right of the door panel is the adapter plate.

I had to decide if I wanted to paint a wedge-shaped steel adapter plate that goes behind the armrest on each door.  It is only visible when the door is open... when the door is closed, it disappears under the dashboard.  These adapter plates were kind of rusty and dirty, but I cleaned them with lacquer thinner and they brightened up.  Encouraged by this, I decided to keep them original,  retaining both their color and a link to the car's past.  I gave them a little polish and wax, and here's how they turned out.

Not perfect.  But like pitted chrome, they have a history.  I kind of like that!

In preparation for painting the lower dashboard, I need to figure out the right painting technique.  A good test for this is the ash tray, which fits into the dash board.  The front of the ash tray is an aluminum casting that fits the same contour as the lower dash.  My challenge is to come up with a way of texturing the dash so it looks kind of like the vinyl of the arm rests on the doors, then painting it with a matching color.  I already have the color paint, but I don't have the texture.

Today I cleaned off the ash tray handle and painted it with some Rustoleum hammer coat.  Tomorrow I will lightly sand this, and apply a coat of color to see how it looks.

If things go well, I'll have an update post tomorrow.

Getting Ready for the Car's Return

I really haven't done much with the car over the last week.  I did check progress on the seat and the paint, but I don't have much to report.  The doors are now off the car to get better access for painting the door frames, and I dropped off the headlight buckets and tail light housings because Paint Guy wants to test fit them before painting.  I also stopped by the paint shop and picked up some new acrylic enamel that matches the new seat color exactly.  I'll be using this on the lower dash board.
I'm enjoying the respite from constant work on the car.  The next big push will happen when I get the car back from paint.  I expect to take the week of Labor Day off, focused on getting the car roadworthy.   Anything I do on the car now should focus on making that task go faster.  I've been able to do just a little bit each night, working on little things that will save time when I assemble them in the car.  For instance, I cleaned and painted the horns.  I took a few days disassembling and cleaning the power seat mechanism, then re-greasing them and installing new 12V motors.  It is pretty cool to hook them up to a battery and see them work!  I also cleaned and tested the seat and window switches.

Since I'm getting ready to assemble the door panels,  I pulled out the aluminum pieces that go on the doors. They looked pretty bad, with a heavy layer of dull oxidation and deep scratches under the spot where the door handle goes. They are embossed with swirls to look like they are engine turned, but of course that's fake.  If you have ever seen the dash board on a late '70's Trans Am, you know what I am talking about.   Still, when they are new the effect is quite attractive.  So what do I do with these old panels?  They are dirty and pretty scratched up!  A complete set of replacement aluminum trim for the doors and dash is available, at a cost of about $500!  That's really more than I'm willing to spend.

Can I clean these old panels up myself?  I've read that it is a very bad idea to use metal polish on them, because the polish gets caught in the tiny grooves and is very hard to get out.  But no one said not to buff them on a buffing wheel!  I was successful buffing the aluminum door sill panels, making them quite shiny. 

Top panel has been buffed on a 6" bench buffer, using green compound.  It's probably overkill.  The bottom panel is original.  I later buffed up the second panel, and it now looks just as shiny.

Maybe this would also work on the door trim? Not having much to loose, I decided to give it a try.

Top panel (driver''s side) has been buffed for about 30 min, the bottom panel hasn't been touched.  Both are original, 57 year old aluminum.

Close up showing the scratches where the door handle goes.  At least the buffed panel doesn't seem to show the scratches quite as much.  Since this shot, I have buffed the second panel as well.

While it clearly isn't spectacular, I'm satisfied with the results.  These panels don't get as shiny as the door sills, but buffing brings our some life in them.  The wax-based buffing compound didn't appear to get stuck in the grooves, but just to be sure I washed the panel down with lacquer thinner.  Once I get the car back, I'm  willing to buff the rest of the dash to match.  While I have the dash trim off, I'll paint the lower dash, and dye the vinyl on the upper dash & garnish back to the original color dark green.  The faded dash has started to bother me a little, and it's easier to fix it now than later.

This weekend I started to assemble the window channel into the doorposts, which I had re-chromed a few months ago.  As I started doing this, I noticed that the door posts aren't straight.

It may not be obvious from this terrible picture, but the post bend outward.  The right one bends more severely than the left.  The window glass that fits in this channel is flat, so any significant bend in the door post may cause the window to jam.  I was able to take much of the bend out of the left doorpost by putting it in a vise and clamping the bottom end until the channel was straight, then leaving it like that for a few days.  I think it will be OK.

I spent much of the day today with #1 son at a major automotive museum.  We had a really good time enjoying the beautiful cars, both vintage and hot rod, and talking to the docents about cars.  I know that my weekends will get a lot more hectic once I get the car back, but I am happily enjoying God's grace today.