Reflection: Phases of Redemption

6 May 2011 - Grandma's T-bird re-enters my life.  A vivid reminder of my past failure.  Both my Dad and my Mother in Law have serious cancer.  Mom is having difficulty recovering from radiation/chemo.  She is loosing a lot of weight.  Dad is pursuing non-traditional medicine, but his oncologist is being very supportive.

30 July 2011 - #1 Son and I pull the engine.  What a mess!  We made a few mistakes, and offend the neighbors.  Mom has moved out of our house to an assisted living facility.

Aug-Oct 2011 focus on rebuilding the engine.  I met Mr. Mechanic, who becomes and important advisor and friend.  Mom condition continues to get worse.  Dad continues to live by himself in a cluttered upstairs apartment, a 2-hour drive away.

21 October 2011 - Mom's cancer prevails, and she gracefully leaves the planet surrounded by friends and family.  My priorities shift as I meet the Body Guy that Uncle Packard has used for all his cars.  I  fear he is closing his shop soon for health reasons.  I quickly prep the car and move it to Body Guy's shop.   

Body Guy gets a heart valve replacement intravenously, and is back in the shop 3 days later.  His guys strip the car and Paint Guy (his son) paints the engine compartment.  Dad decides to pay for the paint job!  I christen the car "Nell", in memory of Grandma, and get a vanity plate.

27 December 2011 (one year ago)... Engine Light Off!  My sons get to experience the joy and the noise. Thanks, Mr. Mechanic!

17 March 2012- Paint Guy is done for the time being.  I move "Nell" to Uncle Packard's garage to refurbish the running gear and the engine.  I get to experience a closer relationship with Uncle Packard and #1 Son as we work on the car together.

31 March 2012 - Celebrating Uncle Packard's 80th Birthday, I have a chance to chat with my cousins about life, parents, aging and redemption.  And paint the frame.

16 June 2012 - After rebuilding the suspension and brakes, a gathering of men help me install the engine in Uncle Packard's garage.  This is a transcendental moment for me.  Dad has been loosing a lot of weight recently.  I am concerned.

29 June 2012 - The car moves under it's own power for the first time in 40 years.  Something inside me shouts for joy!  A week later I take the car back to Body Guy for final paint.  Dad's still loosing weight.  He looks like a bag of bones.

14 September 2012 - paint is done.  The car looks amazing!  I take it back to Uncle Packard's garage for assembly.  Dad still hasn't seen it.

20 October 2012 - Uncle Packard, #1 Son and I color sand the car over a long weekend.  Another remarkable bonding experience.  We talk a lot about Dad.

21 October 2012 - Just over a year since Mom died.  #1 Son and I take the car on it's first street drive.   The feeling is amazing!  Over the next week we take the car back to Paint Guy for an initial buff, then Uncle Packard buys a set of wide whitewalls!  I drive it home, stopping at a CTCI meeting on the way.  Dad's weight stabilizes.

6 November 2012 - I drive 100 miles and take Dad to his oncologist visit... in the t-bird... "It's Just Gorgeous"!  An amazing day, full of hope and reconciliation.  Too bad I forgot my camera.  Dad has started needing regular transfusions.

11 November 2012 Veteran's Day - #1 Son and I spend several hours driving up the coast highway on an absolutely brilliant day.  God is good!

23 December 2012 - "little things" come together to finish off the car.  Another celebration drive up the coast, and sunset at the beach.

This is a remarkable story, when set in perspective like this.  I think God is telling me that there really is something good inside me, something worth restoring, something he is willing to invest his time in.  He sees a beauty inside me that I can't see for myself.  He wants to redeem it... and he wants other people to enjoy it too!

I'll be away for a family party for the next few days.  Dad will be there, and Uncle Packard, and Uncle Cord, and siblings, and my cousins.  I'm looking forward to the fellowship, but I'm also a little anxious about the conversation.  Dad clearly isn't well, and he may not make many more of these annual parties.  I'm frankly astonished that he is making this one.  Then again, I can remember God's message of redemption.  Even if I don't feel graceful, he can use me as a vessel for his grace.  That may be an important thing to have at the party.

But, there are always other things that need to be done.  Today I started buffing the paint.  I think the rear of the car is done, or as done as I'm willing to get it.  I'll  probably finish buffing the car on Sunday, after we return from the party.  Buffing is another interesting story, but it will wait until another post.

Making everything work... even the "little things"

Since my last post, I was able to get the seat motors installed and working.  #1 Son and I are getting pretty good at removing and replacing the seat!  I used easily removable ball lock pins to keep this removal/replacement process easy, even with the motors installed.  Sadly, I was in a rush and didn't take pictures... but it was a very straightforward install.  I had rebuild the mechanism months ago.  Of course, the seat needs to stay in the full-back position in order to be useful... the forward position is only for midgets.  But it does go up and down a few inches.

Yesterday, I wanted to get the wipers installed and working.  I had previously checked out the vacuum driven wiper motor... as far as I know, it is untouched since the car was new, or at least for the last 40 years!  Suprisingly, all it needed was a little brake fluid to refresh the internal leather seals, and it worked fine!  Here's a very poor cell phone video of the wiper motor hooked up to the engine vacuum.

Before I installed the wipers, I wanted to buff the short cowl piece where the wipers and washer nozzles go.  Once these pieces are installed, it is difficult to buff around them.  I've admittedly been obsessing about buffing out the paint, and have been researching buffers and compounds.  I'll discuss that in a later post.

Before I buffed the cowl, I wanted to practice buffing on some place less conspicuous.  I just got a new rotary buffer, and I wanted some practice before tackling the cowl.  So, I decided to buff out the splash guard under the trunk lid, which surrounds the fuel filler.  I cleaned the splash guard, taped the edges (which are the most likely place to burn through the paint) put on a 3" buffing pad, put some machine polish on the pad, and gently proceeded to buff.  It worked suprisingly well!  I unmasked the edges and hand buffed them.  I then masked and buffed the cowl.  I have been gaining confidence with the buffer.

Here's a shot of the cowl with the wipers and washer nozzles installed. The polish isn't evident in this picture.

 The hardest part of installing the wipers was hooking up the mechanism under the dash.  The rods connect in front of the wiper motor, and have to be attached "blind" using a funky spring clip.

The pins for connecting the actuator rods are on the front of the wiper motor, hard to reach.

With patience and some dexterity, they can be attached.  Here the rods are in place and the motor bolted to the mount.

 It took longer than I expected (doesn't it always), but it was very satisfying to have the wipers working!  The paper towels keep the wiper blades from sticking to the dry windshield.

Later in the evening, I hooked up the heater blower motor & defroster vent hose, and confirmed proper defroster operation.  The car is now "all weather capable"!  That is a great feeling!

Today I wanted to get the grille installed before visiting a friend from church.  Well, I took too long with the grille and will need to postpone my visit until tomorrow.  However, that freed up the afternoon for another celebration ride up the coast with my son! 

Today, I have been blessed!  Tomorrow is Christmas Eve.  I will post a retrospective reflection.

Windows and Doors

Earlier this week, I was able to get the windows adjusted and the door panels installed.  I started by getting #1 Son to help me install the top.  The new weatherstripping required resetting the tension on all of the latches, which took longer than I expected... and I will need to trim some rubber over the windshield to get the top to fit perfectly.  The weatherstripping around the windows is cloth covered, and looks pretty nice!

 I then carefully rolled the windows up, and checked the alignment.  After a little futzing with the top stops, I was able to get a pretty good fit on the driver's side.  The stainless channel around the edge of the window glass doesn't really fit perfectly, however, and I had to glue it on with weatherstripping glue.  It may not hold, and I'll have to try something else.

 Then I did the same on the passenger's side.  This was a little harder, and required elongating some holes to get the stops adjusted properly.  Note that the top of this original window glass is a slightly different shape than the new glass in the driver's side.

With the windows working properly, I finally felt confident to install the door panels.  This was one of the easiest things I have done on this car!

The back side of the door panel has holes for wire clips

Each clip is quickly inserted into the hole with a pair of pliers

I slipped the top of the door panel under the garnish rail, aligned the clips with holes in the door, and smacked each clip in place with the palm of my hand.  I then connected and installed the window switches

This shows a nice contrast between the new body color, the new trim color on the armrest, and the original color of the metal "wedge" behind the aluminum trim.

A victory shot of the passenger's side.  I also installed the kick panel, which is even simpler than the door panel!  No clips!

Now you can see how the color of the top trim matches the dash and garnish rail, and compliments the trim color.

Here's a view of the dash... and my garage.

 With the door panels installed, the car looks and feels like it's almost finished!  It wasn't a big step, really, but it is extremely satisfying!

Yesterday I drove the car 100 miles to take Dad to the oncologist.  He had just had a transfusion, and was feeling pretty good.  I really think he appreciates riding in the car, and showing it off to his friends.

We had dinner with a very dear old friend of mine, who was best man at my wedding.  He remembered the car when I had it in high school, and was delighted to see it restored and running again.  We shared a few memories, and talked about the end of the world.  Luckily, the Mayans appear to be wrong about that.

On the way home, I stopped to visit with a new friend who is restoring his own baby thunderbird.  I heartily recommend his blog, because he is fearlessly tackling repairs that are WAY beyond my meager abilities!  I met his charming wife and was able to take him for a ride in "Nell".  We talked about t-birds, y-blocks, and how God has taught us something important about ourselves through these cars.

I'll blog more about that next time.

Path to a Finished Interior

I haven't had much time to work on the car recently.  I've been extremely busy at work, and helping to get Dad's estate planning in order.

I did get "Nell" back from Ford Guy.  He did a great job with the windshield and side windows.  It turns out that the speedometer issue was a broken drive gear.  At my request, he replaced the original 19 tooth speedo gear with a 22 tooth gear.  With my current tires (205/75R15's), the speedo was reading 60mph when GPS said I was going 50.  That was about 20% high, but with the new gear it's pretty accurate.

I'm glad I don't have to mess too much with the windows.  My next milestone is to complete the interior, including the door panels and trim. Before I can install the door panels, however, I need to get the door garnish rails ready.  Even though I will keep the old vinyl, which is in remarkably good condition, I still had to replace the "cat whiskers" (a.k.a rattle guards) that provide soft edges to seal against the window glass.  The old cat whiskers were held on with heavy staples, and it was very difficult to get to the back side.  I had to use a Dremel to grind through the staples and pry them off from the front..

These staples are pretty tough, and kind of a pain to remove.  I replaced them with standard grade roofing staples.

Once the old staples were out, I inserted new staples from the back to mark the back cat whisker, and show where I needed to drill holes.

New cat whisker in place.  The stainless trim rail just above it in the picture uses clips to bolt onto the garnish rail.

The garnish rails slide into place on the door, lining up the door lock rod though the hole and screwing in the knob.  The door panels slide up underneath the garnish rail once it is in place.

 Two other things need to happen before I install the door panels, however.  First, I need check all of the power window and seat wiring.  Then I need to be sure that the window stops are properly adjusted so that they fit the window frame in the hard top.  I'm afraid that if the windows are a little to high, slamming the door with the top on could be an expensive mistake!  The driver's window seemed to be too high when it was raised all the way.  It turns out that Ford Guy didn't put the rear lift stop in the door, and the back of the window was raising up too high. 

Note the temporary panel I made for mounting the window switches.  I didn't know how long it would be before I could install the door panels.

I could take it back to him, but it's only a $5 part and very easy to install.  A quick online order, and 3 days later I had the part installed and the window was working fine.  

To check if the window fits to the hardtop, however, I need to first install all the weatherstripping on the top and mount it back on the car.  I got a good weatherstripping in a kit many months ago, but installing it is not really straightforward.  First, I had to clean up the over-window stainless trim & gutter.

That's 4 layers of old paint in the rain gutter... including my teenage contribution of Ford Bright Lime!

20 minutes of lacquer thinner and greenie, and it comes clean.

I reused the original asphalt shims and fastened the window trim/gutter onto the top.  It uses four flathead screws on each side, directly into the fiberglass.  Next it's time to install the window weatherstripping.  The kit has two pieces, each having the outer seal over the windshield, the window seal itself, and part of the rear seal, all in a single molded piece.  It is pretty cool to have this as once piece, since it is less likely to leak... but my car didn't come that way.  It just doesn't fit!

I had to cut and notch the over-windshield piece, so I could use the original metal retainer.  Kind of scary, because these things are rather expensive!  I really wish things would fit, but my car is an early '55, and the top is a little unique.  Once again, the screws go right into the top fiberglass, and will spin out if I use too much torque.  I learned this the hard way, and I'm getting much more careful with these screws.  It's clear that I will need to spend much more time on this top than I had anticipated.  Oh well.

 I should mention that I got a folding stand for the hard top, which allows me to roll it around and work on it.  The one I got folds up smaller than anything I have seen, is remarkably stable, and stows nicely in the trunk.  I figured it would be very cool to have on long trips.  When Ford Guy's wife saw this, she immediately wanted to have a few in the shop!  Sadly, I checked with the company I got mine from, and they are now no longer available.  Bummer!

Today I didn't finish the top.  That's OK.  I'm not really in a rush.  It's likely to rain for the next few days, and I can take my time working on my t-bird punch list.  I'd like the car ready for Dad's next trip to the oncologist on Thursday, hopefully with door panels installed and the heater & power seat working... maybe even with windshield wipers.  I may also try polishing out the paint myself, but that's fodder for a different post.

Yesterday, however, I took a few hours to update the routing of some plumbing at the front of the engine.  Using '57 manifold and carburetor required rerouting a few things in my '55 engine bay.  I looked at all kinds of pictures, but no two '57 birds had the plumbing routed exactly the same way.  That wasn't very helpful, so I just did my best to make the routing look nice.  The re-routed fuel line allowed me to finally install a huge '57 Thunderbird air cleaner.  Now it looks like a bona fide Thunderbird engine bay!  Here's a celebration shot.

I'm very fortunate... I can take three weeks vacation over the holidays!  I'm really looking forward to the refreshment and restoration God has in store for me.  I'll need to keep from obsessing on "getting the car done", and just relax and enjoy the journey.  More to follow...

Advent & the Need for a Redeemer

In this his advent season, it seems appropriate to reflect on my ongoing personal need for a savior. After all, one cannot understand Christmas without first appreciating a deep NEED for God's redeeming grace!

As a child of neglect, I have a hard time recognizing and accepting value in myself. I unconsciously reasoned that if my parents didn't value me by paying attention to me and taking care of me, then I must not be valuable. I learned early in life that it is unacceptable to complain about feeling unloved. I eventually internalized my resulting frustration into a belief that I was unlovable. To believe otherwise meant that my parents were wrong. As a small boy, the thought that my parents were wrong never crossed my mind. If it had, it would actually have been more unsettling than being unloved!




I have learned that my parents were indeed wrong, both about me and about themselves. But that doesn't change my past, or my memories, or my brokenness. Intellectually, I know that I have value. My friends and family tell me that frequently, in a variety of ways. But emotionally, I remain a love starved little boy, eager for attention but leery of it, untrusting, broken and alone.

For quite a while, I even took a demented solace in my unlovelyness. If I didn't love myself, then I was under no obligation to love anyone else! The second greatest commandment was thus fulfilled, but I conveniently ignored the first... to love God with all my heart, mind, soul and strength! I had an intellectual faith in God, but not a personal, emotional relationship with him.

As I grew up, every failed relationship served to confirm my unlovelyness. I was driven, but emotionally insecure. God eventually provided an extremely gracious woman in my life who became more committed to me than I was to myself. My brokenness and inability to accept her love led to inevitable hardship, but amazingly she persevered, and God blessed us.

But my deeper brokenness remained. I was internally isolated, and saw no compelling need to change. I enjoyed the affection of my wife and family, but like my father I was emotionally disconnected. I played the role of husband and dad out of duty, not really out of love. I was unreachable. I desperately needed a way out, but I was unaware and unable to articulate my need.

Now here is the miracle of my redemption! God did not give up on me! He used a severe family accident 18 years ago, followed by the illness and death of my Mother 6 years later, to convict me of a need to change. If it wasn't for his grace, I would have gone deeply into my own fear, anger, suffering, and grief. But he broke into my world and began to show my parent's brokenness for what it was, and to show me that their isolation and neglect wasn't about me. Over time, I began to understand that my life didn't have to be so detached, or so meaningless. that understanding could only come from God, because it certainly wasn't in me!

I began, gradually, to perceive the vision that my Redeemer was giving me of something greater for myself. I started to get glimpses what a whole, selfless, peace-filled, loving life could be like! God was inviting me in, and my response was totally up to me. It was ONLY at this point that I could earnestly pray for that change in my life!




With God's help, through earnest prayer, I learned to seek and even yearn for that life. I recognized that I could not accomplish that on my own. It seemed impossible, inconceivable that I could become that kind of person! Yet, once given the vision, I started to recognize reflections of that selfless life in people around me, and to give them a newfound respect. Little by little, I became more willing to enter deeply into the relationships God was putting into my path. I began to realize that God was investing himself in ME, deeply and unreservedly, and in ways that my parents never could!

Looking back over the past decade, I can see that I have been changed. I have not "achieved" that peace-filled, selfless vision... But I am able to see it more clearly, and use that vision to bolster my intention to lead a godly life. It is that intention, when well attended, that impacts my daily decisions and relationships. It flavors my service, my recreation, my work, and my relationships.

I'm still a long way from being truly peace filled or selfless, but I can look at my life and begin to see some of what God found so lovely in me.




I will, for the rest of my life, be a work in progress. I must choose to invite my Redeemer deeper into my life. Spiritual restoration is an ongoing process, and will not be "finished" until the final day. Some of my character defects will not be removed in this life, but I'm beginning to believe that I can experience joy, and by doing that bring joy to others.


Still, I know that God lives-- the One who gives me back my life--
and eventually he'll take his stand on earth.
And I'll see him ... see God myself, with my very own eyes.
Oh, how I long for that day!
Job 19:25-27 (the Message)


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Humility

There are some things I just can't do myself. Then there are the things I can do, but shouldn't try.

Most people seem to recognize this in themselves and come to terms with it early. I, on the other hand, tend to see anything I could do myself, but don't, as a weakness in myself. I have hard time letting go of it. I think that my Dad is often the same way. I remember him steadfastly refusing to call a plumber or handyman or painter to fix anything around the house when I was growing up, even though he rarely had the time, energy, or patience to perform repairs. It is that attitude that caused us to live with a clogged kitchen sink for nearly a decade, and a leaky roof for most of my childhood. That is how pride leads to neglect.

My wife is a very tolerant woman, but she recognizes my limitations and, at times, holds me accountable. When stretched beyond my limit, I get quite irritated and unpleasant. I also realize that my time is valuable, and I hate to waste it. If I'm not having fun fixing something, then it is doubly wasteful! It's with this understanding that she suggested I find someone to install the new windshield I purchased, replacing the broken one.

Since I was directly responsible for breaking the last windshield, this was actually was a relief. Windshields are expensive, and I really don't want to break another one. I managed to let go of my macho mechanic pride, and call a classic Ford restoration shop that was recommended by my local t-bird club.

The owner, "Ford Guy", proved to be quite knowledgeable and a huge fan of early thunderbirds. #1 Son and I took "Nell" to his shop last Friday, by God's grace just missing some heavy rain showers (the car has no wipers or side windows). The shop is full of t-bird memorabilia, including numerous neon signs, murals, and a cut-away Y-block engine! There was a beautiful woodie wagon in the shop, and a peacock blue '56 bird on the lift. My kind of place!

The staff seemed rather taken with "Nell" and her story, and I got many encouraging complements. Ford Guy made me feel quite comfortable leaving the car with him. He understood and approved of my minor modifications, and seemed to appreciate my priorities for making her a reliable road worthy driver. We talked about things on the car that I was unsure I could address. Besides the windshield, I asked him to fix the speedometer, install the side windows, and align the doors. I left feeling a little humble but well cared for.

Standing in the empty space in my garage the next day, I reflected on my feelings about letting this go. I could have fixed all of these things myself... Maybe. But it would have taken much longer, and I would have been frustrated. I might have saved money, but I must confess that a "free" weekend has real value, too!

It was a false economy for my Dad to put off home repairs. The damage caused by the leaky roof, along with all the deferred maintenance, significantly reduced the value of the house when he finally sold it. He got just a fraction of its potential value. Worse than that, he created an atmosphere of neglect in that house that permeated everything, including my soul.

I don't want to be a spendthrift, nor do I want to be lazy, but I think God occasionally calls me to be extravagant with the blessings he has given me. After all, he lavished extravagant grace on me when he redeemed me! I don't have to sell everything and give my money to the poor, but I do think I need to be responsive to the relationships God puts in my life. I occasionally need to be ready to pour trust into those relationships, and that might require letting go of some pride and some money. I'm learning to be OK with that.

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